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MurdochsAid Profile
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Cedric Member

Registered: 06-2003
Posts: 1779
Re: THE OFFICER WHO DID


Lights won't be back until Tuesday, June 1st, but if it's OK with her...I'll start the ball rolling by telling you what she told me from an email letter she wrote me, dated 2/26/2004.

quote:

This is what I saw when a friend of mine took me back to that night...I wept and I am weeping again...this traumatized the daylights out of me...and I stayed traumatized for a long time...to where when I saw Will's picture for the first time, I couldn't do anything but look, overwhelemed with sadness which I couldn't understand at the time, but I understand now.

I have never forgiven myself for freezing up as I did...I didn't mean to, but I did, Aid, and for that I will be eternally sorry.

I was up on the roof of the Officers' Quarters, looking down on the starboard Boat deck. I saw Will shoot himself that night. I wanted to save him, but I was unable to move even so much as a muscle to keep him from taking his own life. The memories of his suicide are still with me. There was poor Will, looking up at me, saying his farewells right up to his final breath--that he would find me, even if he had to come back through the great divide between thw world of the living and the dead--as he looked up at me with those beautiful hazel eyes of his--pair of the most eyes I have ever seen--in both lives. Then, still looking up at me, he put the barrel of his revolver to his temple and put a bullet in his brain. Christ! That horrific image of his suicide is burned everlastingly into my memory. And that, I saw him lying on the deck, his face turned to one side since his head had struck one of the lifeboat chocks, struck, blood, bone, and brains sloshing and mixing with the rising water, those damn near pretermaturally-beautiful eyes of his as they ceased their movements, now staring sightlessly as death had finally taken him.



This is the first time, since she told me, that I've had the courage to actually pick this up again and read it, without totally losing it. When I originally read this, I burst into uncontrollable tears, and wept endlessly most all evening long, as well as crying myself to sleep, about my baby. Therefore--I fully understand how Lights feels, and why she is so reluctant to write about this here. It hurts just too much!

Atleast I know the true story of how my husband died, and knowing this is much better than not knowing. And I have Lights to thank for courageously coming forward, by telling me the truth.

I know Will too, would want me to know as well. I have long since forgiven him, and so has God before me. I hope you too will find it in your hearts to forgive him too.

MurdochsAid



edited by MurdochsAid, May/30/2004, 12:46 am


---
Love can touch us one time and last for a life time.
And never let go till we're gone.
Love was when I loved you, one true time I hold to.
In my life we'll always go on. ~ "My Heart Will Go On" by James Horner & Will Jennings
May/30/2004, 12:34 am Link to this post Send Email to MurdochsAid   Send PM to MurdochsAid
 
wills Profile
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Registered: 02-2004
Posts: 4308
Re: THE OFFICER WHO DID


dear tammy,

i want to thank you very much for posting that for i know that it had to be hard for you to write .
i am proud of you it shows great courage and determination for you to post that about your beloved.

i for one commend you.
and i want to thank lights for opening up about it . even if it was an email to you personally.

i can not imagine in my wildest dreams of will doing something like that it just totally blows my mind. i still do not want to believe it and i truely dont . but i am glad to know whom eveyone really thinks did it.

but on a more personal note. i can not think of a better seaman then our very own will.
it is difficult for me to believe he would ever consider to end his life before god took it.
it is hard for me to conjur up the idea that those beautifull hazel eyes of his closed in such a way for the last time.
wills was a fighter i cannot see him doing it . it brings tears to my eyes to think of him doing anything.

i still think that amonst all the confusion that night that he was mistaken for someone else. he was a murdoch he knew he was going to die at sea. he was a sailor .

anyway i am rambling now...

but thank you again tammy for posting it.

wills

---
Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporay problem........

Whatever obstacles control,
Go on, true heart,
thou'lt reach the goal.


http://com4.runboard.com/bthetitanicshack
wills~~~~~
May/30/2004, 5:43 am Link to this post Send Email to wills   Send PM to wills Blog
 
wills Profile
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Re: THE OFFICER WHO DID


oh yeah and on a very personal note i think if he did do it for which may i point out we will never know for certain that it is his business and not anyone elses.

also most of the people that said he was the one also said that titanic sank in one peice....well we know better dont we.

it is all about placement that night .
who was where and who saw what and who heard it .

it gets rather confusing...
i can only imagine what the passengers felt like.
anyway that is all for now.

wills

---
Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporay problem........

Whatever obstacles control,
Go on, true heart,
thou'lt reach the goal.


http://com4.runboard.com/bthetitanicshack
wills~~~~~
May/30/2004, 5:47 am Link to this post Send Email to wills   Send PM to wills Blog
 
MurdochsAid Profile
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Re: THE OFFICER WHO DID


Thank you, Lill, for your kind words. For it was with much soul-searching, discussing this matter with my husband, and with his encouragement that I decided to step forward and share this with you.

Believe me, it certainly wasn't an easy thing to do. I am hoping that Lights won't be too sore with me for coming forward. Perhaps, it was she after all, who was waiting for me to be the one to tell you. And in all due fairness, I also felt that she shouldn't have to be the only one to take this on all by herself, when we both can share this burden together.

In my heart I know Will would've wanted me to tell you all...not necessarily his best shipmate.

Ada

---
Love can touch us one time and last for a life time.
And never let go till we're gone.
Love was when I loved you, one true time I hold to.
In my life we'll always go on. ~ "My Heart Will Go On" by James Horner & Will Jennings
May/30/2004, 2:04 pm Link to this post Send Email to MurdochsAid   Send PM to MurdochsAid
 
graham 01 Profile
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Location: Middlesbrough UK
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Re: THE OFFICER WHO DID


HI All

I could but will not yet make a full judgment on this one, But will say that I thank Tammy for the hard post she made. I realise there is a lot of people out there who do believe it was William but as Wills says they are the ones who also say the ship sank in one piece.

I also agree that what Wills says about the suicide been a very personal thing and should not be judged by us mere mortals.

On the story, and sorry I do not mean to make that sound belittling, but that is all we can call it for now. I think there may be truth in the actual event but in another way I want to disbelieve it. I hope that does not make me sound as if I am against what has bee wrote as I am not . All I ask is that people comment on it sensibly and not in a state of frenzy.

I hope my words are coming over in the way they are ment and no one reads anything nto it.

Graham

---
Why dont people do what they say nowadays http://www.freewebs.com/hms-kellington/
http://www.freewebs.com/graham7760/index.htm
http://www.freewebs.com/hmsroyaloak/
May/30/2004, 2:23 pm Link to this post Send Email to graham 01   Send PM to graham 01 Blog
 
wills Profile
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Re: THE OFFICER WHO DID


thank you graham.

i understand fully of what you are saying and no the words did not come out wrong.

it is a personal thing . i do commend tammy for her courage to say what she did.

however like i said earlier it has been said by the same passengers and crew that titanic did sink in one peice so i really myself do not hold much to their words.
the reason is most of the 'evidence' of the suicide is hear say ....

wills

---
Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporay problem........

Whatever obstacles control,
Go on, true heart,
thou'lt reach the goal.


http://com4.runboard.com/bthetitanicshack
wills~~~~~
May/30/2004, 8:00 pm Link to this post Send Email to wills   Send PM to wills Blog
 
graham 01 Profile
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Location: Middlesbrough UK
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Re: THE OFFICER WHO DID


Hi Wills

I have to agree with you on the aspect that the many different theories of the suicide are indeed hear say, There is little or none in reality of the actual event. George Behe has a comprehensiv look into into it, as does a few other sites, But even they have to admit that the evidence is not there for any real objective view.

Graham

---
Why dont people do what they say nowadays http://www.freewebs.com/hms-kellington/
http://www.freewebs.com/graham7760/index.htm
http://www.freewebs.com/hmsroyaloak/
May/30/2004, 8:05 pm Link to this post Send Email to graham 01   Send PM to graham 01 Blog
 
MurdochsAid Profile
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Re: THE OFFICER WHO DID


I trust you, it's not hearsay or anything like that...for it was Will, himself, who encouraged me to step forward to tell you, by not waiting for Lights to tell you.

And like I said before, I wrestled with it over and over in my mind with Will...he highly encouraged me to come forward and tell you.

I, you see--way before I learned how he actually died from Lights, experienced what felt like a cold medal end of a gun barrel pressed against the right side of my head in the temple area. Then I felt what felt like to be an explosion that felt like a bullet piercing my brain, after the trigger was pulled. No matter how much asprin I took to relieve that pain, I couldn't seem to get rid of it. That's why I think that that was Will's way of telling me how he actually died.

After Lights told me, I told her about about what I experienced, and she varified what I felt...as she saw it from the rooftop of the Captain's Quarters of Titanic.

But before that, I couldn't put two & two together...and now it all makes sense.

Ada

edited by MurdochsAid, Jun/1/2004, 1:53 pm


---
Love can touch us one time and last for a life time.
And never let go till we're gone.
Love was when I loved you, one true time I hold to.
In my life we'll always go on. ~ "My Heart Will Go On" by James Horner & Will Jennings
May/30/2004, 9:20 pm Link to this post Send Email to MurdochsAid   Send PM to MurdochsAid
 
wills Profile
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Re: THE OFFICER WHO DID


this thread is gonna be closed untill further notice.

wills

---
Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporay problem........

Whatever obstacles control,
Go on, true heart,
thou'lt reach the goal.


http://com4.runboard.com/bthetitanicshack
wills~~~~~
May/31/2004, 1:09 am Link to this post Send Email to wills   Send PM to wills Blog
 
graham 01 Profile
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Registered: 02-2004
Location: Middlesbrough UK
Posts: 5797
Re: THE OFFICER WHO DID


HI Tammy

I have just re unlocked this thread to reply to your answer.

Me and Wills discused the situation that was occuring hear for a long time the other night. We had to make a desition on this matter as it was starting to get a bit out of hand. Posts where been sent to the incorect place and rather lets say inapropriate postings.

Mysellf nor wills has not disagreed with what you say and would love nothing more than to discuss it in full. But we also have to think of other posters. I am sure like you say that Lights will not mind you posting the message. But we do need to make sure on that point.

Tammy we are not picking on you in the least we need to contain threads such as this to the correct and apropriate place.

I know there is others who want to post here and give there view and now we are going to let them have that chance. If trouble arrises we will re lock it.

I am sorry you feel upset about this but in reality what else could we do.

Wills I will leave it unlocked for now but I shall and sure you will keep a close eye on it.

Graham

---
Why dont people do what they say nowadays http://www.freewebs.com/hms-kellington/
http://www.freewebs.com/graham7760/index.htm
http://www.freewebs.com/hmsroyaloak/
Jun/1/2004, 8:45 am Link to this post Send Email to graham 01   Send PM to graham 01 Blog
 
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